Why did the fish get kicked out of school? Because he was caught with seaweed.

 Knock Knock! Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police forgive me!

What’s the difference between a woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side.

How do men exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

What’s black and blue and brown and laying in a ditch? A brunette who’s told too many blonde jokes.

What happens to an Asian man who runs into a wall and has a full erection? He breaks his nose.

What happens when you stick you hand in a jar of jellybeans? The black ones steal your watch.

What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you? Run – she is still holding the grenade!

Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

What’s funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume!

How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant? He forgot to wrap his whopper.

What do you call a gay bar with no bar stools? A fruit stand.

Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork.

Why don’t Jewish mothers drink? Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

What were the 2 Mexican Fire Fighting Brother’s names? Jose and Hose B.

Yo mama so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Knock Knock! Who’s there? Police. Police who? Police let us in; it’s cold out here! 

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?  A battery has a positive side.

Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, “To be continued.”

Q: What is a blonde’s favorite part of a gas station? A: The Air Pump!

Why are asprins white? Because they work.

Why won’t Obama release his real birth certificate?   Hillary Clinton won’t give it back to him.

Why do so many white people get lost skiing? It’s hard to find them in the snow.

What is a thick fingered lesbian called? Well- hung!

You might be a redneck if your computer monitor is up on blocks.

How many drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, there are machines for that now.